As I mentioned in my previous post, I am going to write sporadically here, at least for the next few posts. I would like to utilize this site and space to write about what I need to process most. The first thing that comes into mind is the absurdity of my experience with nitrous oxide aka whip-its.
I won’t go into too much depth about the science with nitrous oxide (maybe some other time), but it is an anesthetic that was first synthesized in 1772 by a gentleman named Joseph Priestley. The name does not escape my recognition of the irony lol.
I will have to explore more in depth of the extent of my abuse of nitrous oxide. I will say that it is uncommonly abused, especially to the extent that I abused it. I do not say that in an artifact of glorification of my use. However, I am still perplexed as to why I am still 1) alive and 2) not physically disabled (although my use did lead to physically disability which I fortunately overcame).
I ended up abusing approximately over 100,000 cartridges, which is a ridiculous amount. It of course led to my condition of mania and subsequent psychosis, but I still cannot wrap my head around how I am still here writing this blog and not at least in a wheelchair.
Again, I will definitely write more on my experiences abusing nitrous oxide and how that impacted my life. But I want to publish this in my incredulity in how I am still alive and intact. From what I’ve read, I should be dead or at least permanently disabled. Here is a pubmed link that looks into three individuals who abused some amount of nitrous oxide and the effects it had:
These three individuals abused hundreds of canisters a day and suffered ill consequences. I am hoping to eventually understand the fact that I am alive and well, but I currently am flabbergasted. I did eventually experience physical effects of the significant abuse via nerve damage in my peripheral body parts, but I graciously eventually overcame those effects.
I am going to end here and definitely plan to go more in depth in both the effects and extent of my nitrous abuse. I also plan to go into depth of my abuse and experiences with other substance abuse. My experiences with substance abuse has definitely shaped my life experience and has definitely been influenced by my mental health struggles including influencing my mental illnesses.
Thank you for reading what I’ve written. And thank you to myself for taking the time to write this out. There is so much to process about my substance use, particularly my ventures into psychosis as a result of my laughing gas abuse. I will include a picture
of the result of my nitrous abuse; thousands of empty canisters in my bedroom, forming a 3-4 inch deep “ball pit” in my bedroom.
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